A Mother's Day Reflection
Motherhood takes many forms
Some women become mothers to children, some nurture animals with deep devotion, and others step into the role of surrogate mother through kindness, guidance, and love. Throughout my life, I have been fortunate to experience motherhood in all of these ways.
When I was seven years old, my family adopted my brother, John. I remember wishing he were my baby, and I cared for him with all the tenderness and protectiveness a young child could offer. We shared a deep bond during his formative years, and even though he passed away several years ago, those memories remain some of the most precious of my life.
My own relationship with my mother was difficult, and many of my emotional needs went unmet during childhood. Yet along the way, several women stepped into my life and offered the nurturing, reassurance, and guidance I so desperately needed. There was my next-door neighbor, the mother of the children I babysat in high school, a neighbor at our beach house, my aunt, and my best friend’s mother. Each of these women, in their own way, became a surrogate mother to me. Their kindness helped shape who I became, and I often encourage my clients to seek out supportive figures in their lives when those relationships are missing. Without these women, I do not know how my life would have unfolded, and I remain deeply grateful to each of them.
Since childhood, animals have also been an important part of my life. Over the years I have loved dogs, cats, and horses, and each one has brought companionship, comfort, and joy. As many of you know, I lost my beloved therapy dog, Maya, in February. Grieving her has been a tender and ongoing process. Recently, I welcomed a rescue dog named Zeva into my life. Like all relationships, new bonds take time to grow, and I am learning to appreciate Zeva for the unique spirit she brings. Love for our animals is real and meaningful, and they often leave lasting imprints on our hearts.
As I write this newsletter, I also reflect on my daughter, Eilíse, who turns 35 years young this weekend. As I did when I turned 35, she is grieving her “old age". She, like so many of us, often wrestles with the passage of time and the challenge of embracing each new stage of life. Aging gracefully asks us to continually grow into ourselves with acceptance, wisdom, and compassion as we greet each new year and decade.
Being Eilíse's mother has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. Children are often our greatest teachers, and for the past 35 years she has taught me more than I ever could have imagined. Her name means “God is satisfaction,” and she continues to embody that meaning in countless ways.
Many years ago, I learned that children come from us, but they do not belong to us. We are entrusted with caring for them, guiding them, and preparing them to step into the world as adults. Because my own childhood was emotionally difficult, I took motherhood very seriously and viewed it as an opportunity to create something healthier and more loving than what I had experienced myself. While I could never change my past, I hoped I could help create a better future for my daughter, and in many ways, for myself as well.
Like every parent, I made mistakes along the way. There were moments when stress, impatience, or exhaustion got the better of me. Parenting humbles us all. But perfection is never the goal. In psychology, we often speak of the importance of being a “good enough” parent: someone who loves deeply, keeps trying, and remains willing to learn and grow alongside their child.
Eilíse has blossomed into an intelligent, compassionate, and accomplished woman, and I could not be more proud to be her mother.
As Mother’s Day approaches, I find myself reflecting on all the women - and all the forms of love - that shape our lives. Whether you are a mother to children, animals, family members, friends, clients, or simply someone who offers nurturing and care to others, your love matters deeply.
Here's to all mothers, surrogate mothers, pet mothers, and those who carry the spirit of motherhood in their hearts, as well as all the mother's we love and miss who have passed on, I wish you a peaceful and meaningful Mother’s Day.
10 Tips for mothering
Keep your stress below your threshold.
When stress becomes overwhelming, it affects what we see, hear, and say. Caring for yourself helps you care more thoughtfully for others.Pause before reacting.
Take a breath, count to three (or ten), and give yourself a moment to think before responding.Remember that all behavior has meaning.
Whether with children, pets, or even adults, behavior is often communication. Curiosity helps us respond more wisely than judgment.Ask good questions and listen openly.
Try listening without immediately jumping to conclusions or offering solutions. You may be surprised by what is really going on underneath the surface.Ask yourself: “What is needed right now?”
In difficult moments, gently consider what the child, pet, or person in front of you truly needs most in that moment.Lead with kindness and support.
Even when boundaries or consequences are necessary, compassion and calmness go much further than criticism or shame.Remember that less is often more.
Not every situation needs a long explanation, correction, or reaction. Sometimes presence, patience, and simplicity are enough.See challenges as opportunities to teach and grow.
Life constantly offers lessons — for both the mother and the one being mothered.If you need nurturing, seek supportive relationships.
A surrogate mother can be a trusted older friend, mentor, neighbor, aunt, therapist, or someone whose wisdom and kindness make you feel safe and seen. Sometimes these relationships naturally unfold over time.Be open to becoming a mentor to someone else.
You may have the opportunity to offer encouragement, guidance, or steady support to a younger person who needs it. Acts of mothering often arise in the most unexpected and meaningful ways.
Warmly,
Tamara